is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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