She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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