i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
