Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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