Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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