Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
