Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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