It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
