There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
