i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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