Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Farmville is her only friend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
