yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
