Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
