I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
