There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
