Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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