GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
