saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
