I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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