I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
