We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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