literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
