that's an acceptable place to lick
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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