Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
