All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
