Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize