she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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