she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
