i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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