and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
