anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
