I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
