EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
