i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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