You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
