I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
