the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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