Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
