I'm lost and stupid without you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
