Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
