I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize