did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone shit on the floor
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
