My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
