He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
thus making me awesome and them whores
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize