That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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