can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
