In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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