I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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