Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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