Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
