Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
