Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
