Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
