i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
