I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
