Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
