I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
