If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
