mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
tell me about the eggs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
