What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
