I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
