Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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