I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
