while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
