So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
