you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
