Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
