dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
