im gay
i know
yea but for you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
