We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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