she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
